Wednesday, May 9, 2012

Loving Two

Loving Two

I walk along holding your 2-year-old hand, basking in the glow of our magical relationship. Suddenly I feel a kick from within, as if to remind me that our time alone is limited. And I wonder: how could I ever love another child as I love you?

Then he is born, and I watch you. I watch the pain you feel at having to share me as you’ve never shared me before.

I hear you telling me in your own way, “Please love only me.” And I hear myself telling you in mine, “I can’t,” knowing, in fact, that I never can again.

You cry. I cry with you. I almost see our new baby as an intruder on the precious relationship we once shared. A relationship we can never quite have again.

But then, barely noticing, I find myself attached to that new being, and feeling almost guilty. I’m afraid to let you see me enjoying him—as though I am betraying you.

But then I notice your resentment change, first to curiosity, then to protectiveness, finally to genuine affection.

More days pass, and we are settling into a new routine. The memory of days with just the two of us is fading fast.

But something else is replacing those wonderful times we shared, just we two. There are new times – only now, we are three. I watch the love between you grow, the way you look at each other, touch each other.

I watch how he adores you — as I have for so long. I see how excited you are by each of his new accomplishments. And I begin to realize that I haven’t taken something from you, I’ve given something to you. I notice that I am no longer afraid to share my love openly with both of you. I find that my love for each of you is as different as you are, but equally strong. And my question is finally answered, to my amazement. Yes, I can love another child as much as I love you—only differently.

And although I realize that you may have to share my time, I now know you’ll never share my love. There’s enough of that for both of you – you each have your own supply.

I love you—-both. And I thank you both for blessing my life. —Author Unknown

I saw this poem online and had to share. It beautifully describes what so many second time moms feel. I know it is absolutely true and as hard as it is to imagine I know I will love my second as much as I love Makayla, . If anything I almost feel guilty on Makayla's behalf. I feel guilty she will have to share my attention, I feel guilty I will love someone else as much as her, I feel guilty she won't be the only special cutie in my life, and I feel guilty we wanted another, as if to say she isn't enough. I know that the last one is especially silly as we are giving her one of the best gifts you can give your child, a sibling. However I love her so much I sometimes think, why should we want another? 

That being said I can't wait to meet our second child and fall head over heals in love all over again. I can't wait to see Makayla and our second baby interact and develop that special sibling bond. I can't wait to know what it is like to love two children the way I love Makayla. I am looking forward to our new bundle of joy with great anticipation. We are truly very blessed.